At this moment, life is extremely boring. Maybe its because I am a boring person, or maybe my circumstances are making it boring. I don't really know what the case may be, but I know for sure that my life is boring. Not only is it boring, but I still have these feelings for my ex that I cant get rid of, that is making it impossible for me to move on without bringing a lot of baggage with me, and believe me, I don't need any additional baggage, cause I have enough on my own. I know that I deserve better and he definitely doesn't deserve me, but apparently, knowing that isn't enough for me to be completely over this jerk. And what is making it worst, is that this jerk used to be my bestfriend. Now isn't that a dichotomy. All any girl want is to be with her best friend; someone that knows you better than anyone else, who makes you happy just doing nothing. But we fail to think about if that bestfriend breaks our heart. Can you continue to be friends with that person. The apparent answer is no, cause look at me now. I don't talk to him and he doesn't talk to me. And the only thing that is helping me get over this is making myself believe that he has already moved on, and that in our time apart he cheated on me. Is any of that factual, who knows, but it helps me to put things in prospective and doesn't allow me to dwell on a person who can do anything like that.
For a moment I was thinking about conducting an experiment and date a white guy to see how different he would treat me than a black guy, but that would be futile. They are men and I highly doubt the treatment would be much different, cause men are innately dogs, and there isn't much they can do to change their DNA.
I am working really hard at keeping my resolutions, and so far, I am doing well, but what I would love to do is to start having fun and live my life as carefree as possible. I think I am an awesome person, so screw anyone that's disagrees. Its time to live life for me and noone else. Its time for me to be HAPPY!!!!
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