O Boy

O Boy, O Boy, O Boy.

When I first got this job I was happy that I would be working with young people. When I started, I was working with young people and I actually enjoyed working with them. We joked around a lot and enjoyed working together. Then one of them left. Guess she either had it, or there was too much change going on for her to stick around. Now Lima Bean is leaving, and they hired this person that I hope that she will be good fit. But right now she look stuck up, but they had me pegged that way also. So I guess, I will give her the benefit of the doubt and see how things work out.

But today, the girls hurt my feelings. I dont purposely try to be rude or hurt anyones feelings, or give people the impression that I dont like them, but apparently, that is what comes across. They apologized and claimed that they were just kidding around, but still. Can I change, do i even want to change, who knows.

Thats all I wanted to write for now.

Past Men

I have been thinking about my past relationships/flings, etc. Just the men in my life in general and I figure that I will just simply write about them really quick in hopes of getting it out of my head.

First there was JH, my very first boyfriend, the one that took my virginity, my first true love. I doubt I was his true love, but that can be questioned to this day. But I do believe that I was very special for him, and everyone can see how we affect each other.

Then there was AG. Not sure how wise the decision was to get involved with him, but I was young and rebelling. Well he was married and my sister's brother in law. He was about 11 years older, and actually interested in me. At first i ignored his advances, but after a while, I figured it couldn't hurt. It lasted over a year. Of course it was a little stressful for me because I was not his first priority, his wife and daughter was, and the more people saw us together, the more the questions started from my family. I did love him, and i think that he loved me, at least that is what he tells me to this day.

Then there was T?. That's right, I don't remember his last name. I can honestly say that he was the rebound guy. I wasn't that attracted to him and I was just trying to get over JH and AG. He started to say that he loved me, but I did not return the favor. Not sure if I ever told him I loved him or not, but if i did, it would have been a lie. That was the first guy that got me in trouble. I was never to speak to him again.

Then there was T?. Yes, I forgot his last name also. He was OK, sweet and all and the first one to really give me an o. He said the wrong thing to me at some point, and it was over for us. Plus he was in Virginia and I was in New York. Not sure how that would have worked.

Then there was TG. He was in Atlanta. It was good for a while, I even spent most of the summer with him, but he was a whiner and not a doer. I could not take the complaining or whining. I was in NY and he was still whining about the same things from the summer. I was so turned off, disgusted and bored with him, that I cheated on him with SL, one of the man whores from school.

I messed with SL for a while, no strings attached, cause he could not be faithful if his life depended on it and I didn't want to be with someone like that. We messed for a while till he decided to get a girlfriend.

Then there was EB, what I call an experiment. One I was highly disappointed with. Supposedly he slept with all these girls and all the girls wanted him, and I only messed with him when I was bored and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Come to find out, he did nothing for me. When i say nothing, I really mean nothing.

After that, there was JH. No not the same as the first, but another one. I should have known at that point that it might not have worked. I lost a friend because of the feelings I had for him. He got me into trouble also. But I loved him more than anyone else and he loved me. I think I loved him more than I loved myself sometimes because I would have done anything for him. But one day I guess he decided I was expendable and pushed me away when i thought this would be the time he would need me the most. Guess I was wrong.

In between all of them, there was AG, my one night stand of which i am still friends with and LM, more than a mistake and one that I want to more than anything to forget. Really wasn't worth it. Not to hurt anyone's feelings or anything.

For the ones that I was never romantically involved or physical with:

N?. Has a wife, likes me, I dated his best friend, and nothing ever happened. I don't know the future, but I don't think anything will come of it.

JW. Met online, but no longer have an interest in. Don't know why, maybe it was just wrong timing.

TM. Met online, a complete jerk and imbecile. More self involved than any other male I have met.

R? Just a friend that I thought we could reunite with. But i guess his girlfriend didn't like me when she met me and I guess he is no longer allowed to talk to me anymore.

AG. Another friend that i wish at some point would have been something more. But he remained polite, never made a move, neither did I, now he has a baby. Something else that could never be.

I think that is all I can remember. If I left anyone out, they are insignificant.

What does my future hold as far as men is concerned, I don't have a clue. But here is wishing for the best.