My Test

I will be tested tonight and I hope I can keep it together.  Mike is picking up Isabella today so she can spend the night at our place so her mother can get a break.  Which I completely understand, every mother needs a break.  My test comes in on how well I handle having this child in my house, in my space and in my presence.  (Have i mentioned that I have never met the kid before, neither has my daughter.)  I know it is not the baby's fault, so there is no reason for me to take anything out on a defenseless child, but I know I will have feelings I cant explain.  It may make me feel bad and hurt my feelings have her around.  But I know I am strong and if I am not feeling it, I can definitely fake it.  I want to be supportive of Mike and everything he is dealing with, but if I cant handle it, I will just distance myself.  That shouldn't be too hard to do...I have two floors I can be on.  I have Adele and Charli to occupy my time and in the morning I have somewhere to go if I need to get away.

So, here is hoping that things go well and I can handle this situation i chose to return to.  Because I did put myself here, so I have to handle whatever happens are walk away.